Charlie Weis' swan song new contract extension

Yep. Advocating Weis' return would pretty much be approaching shitty football with the injudicious stoicism of a retard burning his hand on a stove. But don't tell that to the stoics who just gave the portly one another year, which may as well be tantamount to a slow-roasted, heavily-labored, and gratuitously sweaty death sentence for their otherwise stout football program.

Pride will inevitably go before the fall in either case, but not until after the former's three Super Bowl rings; the unblemished head coaching records against Pittsburgh, Purdue, Navy, Air Force, and Syracuse; and the decided schematic advantage which yielded only 41 rushing yards against Syracuse and didn't record a single first down until the end of the third quarter against Southern California's backup scrubs. Also, it's strange that I use the term "against," because I only saw a bunch of guys who ran around in circles before willingly offering themselves and readily capitulating on first contact at that. It's ok, Irish. Now where did that slightly above-average team touch you and your ill-prepared coach?

I'm sure that real Notre Dame fans would rather immolate themselves (or tune to something comparatively milder) than tolerate another year of this, but the collective base has become so accustomed to inferior football that there are very few of them left.